Just Be Myself – Different Faces for Different People

As a teenager, I was always nervous around girls. Something about these ethereal beings from another world made my heart slam in my chest. If I saw the girl I had an undying crush on, I’d cross the street in panic. The thought of asking her out was unbearable. Once, I even ran up to a girl, shoved a bunch of flowers into her hands, and bolted without saying a word. Her puzzled look said it all: Weirdo.

When I finally did ask someone out and she said yes, I had no idea what to say on our first date. A confident friend advised me, ‘Just be yourself.’ Easy for him – he always seemed at ease in his own skin. Or did he? Who was he really when he got home, closed the door and was on his own? Was he the person that everybody thought he was?

The truth is the only person who really knows me is me – though at times even I hardly recognise myself. So, who was I to everyone else? How was I perceived by my friends, peers and casual acquaintances? It was a simple answer; I was never just one person. I unconsciously moulded myself to suit the situation. With some people I clicked instantly, I could be happy, use humour to oil the relationship and let my guard down and relax in their company. With others, I’d use caution, hold back, my intuition on high alert, and keep the best of me in the background until I could develop a level of trust.

Growing up, I met plenty of people who weren’t good to me. That gave me a finely tuned – sometimes oversensitive – radar around those who could inevitably cause me harm. These people may get on with everyone else, but my inner alarm bell rang: this person isn’t right for you. I may not have listened to it at times and found myself in a heap of trouble, but now I trust in it wholeheartedly, and it rarely fails me. For those people, they only ever saw the guarded version of me.

When I’m alone, and I take the time to study my personality, I clearly see the things that make up the person I am. Despite my setbacks in life, I have managed to keep the qualities I had as a child. I am caring and empathetic, generous and a little mischievous. I use humour as a defence mechanism and have often found that I may go too far and even cause offense unintentionally. My stepfather always said, ‘Put your brain into gear before you put your mouth into motion.’ I’m adventurous and a little rebellious, intelligent, in that I have an unquenchable thirst for knowledge, and I have a drive, almost obsessional, to succeed in a task I set for myself.

Although these parts of me are always there, they are layered differently depending on who I’m with. I’ve often come away from spending time with others worrying that I may have said the wrong thing and have spent hours questioning what people may have thought of me. Why couldn’t I have just been myself?

Over time, I’ve realised that the only person I care to make sure sees the real me is my wife. For I know, whatever mistakes I make, there is no judgement. I know when I’ve truly acted out of turn, and thanks to her patience, I can reflect and recalibrate and view any errors with an open mind.

Nowadays, I try to be the truest version of myself with everyone. If they don’t like who I am, then they weren’t the right people for me in the first place. I’d rather spend my life alone than be around others that don’t accept me for me.